Growing up, bill collectors and cars always breaking down were common themes in my childhood. These financial struggles, along with the emotional strain of the divorce, contributed to a sense of instability and uncertainty. Despite these challenges, my parents did their best to shield me from the worst of it.
As I grew older, I found myself drawn to partners who resembled my dad in some ways. I married someone who, like my dad, couldn’t keep a job. I spent 20 years with him because I didn’t want to experience a divorce like my parents. I thought I could fix it, but I couldn’t, and I stayed way too long.
Reflecting on this pattern, I realize that I was trying to rewrite my childhood narrative, to prove that I could make things work where my parents couldn’t. But the reality was that I was repeating the same mistakes, and it took me a long time to acknowledge that I couldn’t change someone else’s behavior.
My mom remarried, and a new layer was added. Not only did I hold onto a lot of my stepfather’s advice, but I also followed it. He told me to get credit cards because I needed credit to build credit. However, what he didn’t understand is that he also told my husband-to-be the same thing. When we got married, we both had the same exact credit cards, which meant double the bills. We felt broke and defeated before we even started, and then my husband would lose his job constantly, leaving me to be the breadwinner all the time because I was a counselor for autistic and behavioral kids for 18 years straight.
This cycle of financial instability and reliance on one income source put a significant strain on our marriage and our finances. It was a constant struggle to make ends meet, and the stress took a toll on both of us.
Through these experiences, I learned the importance of financial literacy and the impact it can have on our lives. I realized that blindly following advice without understanding the consequences can lead to unintended hardships. It’s essential to educate ourselves about finances and to make informed decisions that align with our long-term goals and values. My former husband relied on his parents way too much. I was brought up to be independent. Many times it was me alone against his entire family.
I also noticed a pattern in the people I kept meeting—they all fit the same mold. My stepfather, ex-husband, and even my ex-mother-in-law were all narcissists. I was the pleaser who fit right in with what they wanted. I conformed to everything they wanted me to be, and in the process, I forgot who I was. When I got divorced, I realized that I don’t think I ever knew who I was. I don’t think I ever knew how to love myself. I was always overly critical and trying to be perfect in every way.
Recognizing these patterns was a pivotal moment for me. It allowed me to begin the journey of self-discovery and self-love. I learned to set boundaries, prioritize my own needs, and embrace my authentic self. While it hasn’t always been easy, this process has been incredibly rewarding, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to finally live life on my own terms.
You really have to give your parents credit, though. There’s no handbook for how to be a parent, and they learned everything from their parents the same way we learned from our parents. As an adult, you have to break free from it all to figure out who you are. You don’t have to be what they want you to be. You can be what you want to be, and you don’t always have to play the traditional roles. You can’t take criticism personally because they’re only trying to help you and show you what they think is best because that’s how they learned.
It’s really hard to break free from all this and be yourself. Follow your own path, do things your way, and not take the criticism personally. It’s crucial to do the shadow work, to listen to the child within you screaming for help because you have abandoned them, and they don’t know why. You don’t know why because you can’t save yourself, so how can you save them? That’s where it starts—with the communication between your inner child and your adult self, merging the two together to be one, to be a team, to figure out what your needs, wants, and desires are so you can have a fulfilling life.
Frequency codes, Holy Fire Reiki, being one with nature, eating right, getting enough sleep, affirmations, journaling, and listening to my guides for direction have all been a big part of my spiritual journey to wholeness.
Becoming a full-time professional housesitter after my divorce really helped me. I found my self-worth, freedom to travel, unconditional love of animals, a lot of homes I sit at are in nature and I can enjoy it while I’m there. It’s been a great part of my healing journey.
By incorporating these practices into my daily life, I’ve been able to align my mind, body, and spirit and tap into a deeper sense of peace and purpose. Whether it’s spending time in nature, practicing Reiki, or simply taking care of my physical health, each of these elements has played a vital role in my journey toward self-discovery and wholeness.
I’ve come to understand that true healing is a holistic process—one that involves nurturing all aspects of myself. And as I continue to walk this path, I’m filled with gratitude for the support and guidance that these practices provide. It’s not about blaming anyone; it’s about being aware that as a child, you learn and interpret things in your own way. You can’t comprehend the big picture at that age, so you can’t be hard on yourself or your parents. What you can do is rewrite those stories with an adult perspective!